WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Trump today announced the successful full-scale invasion of Jimboy’s Tacos, the California-based chain famous for serving burritos soaked in grease. “Maduro’s got nothing on these guys,” Trump tweeted at 3 AM. “Jimboy’s has been sitting on massive oil reserves for too long. Time to send them some freedom!”
Pentagon officials had scrambled overnight, deploying SEAL Team Six to the nearest Sacramento location. “Operation Crispy Freedom” includes airstrikes on salsa bars and drone surveillance of drive-thrus, with Jimboy’s CEO, Jim Boys, successfully captured and taken into custody.
“They have the best oil. The best,” Trump declared during a press conference. “Everyone says so. We’re going in, we’re taking the oil. It’s a tremendous resource, believe me. We can’t let Jimboy, whoever he is, keep it all. It’s not fair to America.”
