Local man, Bob “Open Borders” Johnson, was reportedly seen fuming at his iPhone screen as news broke of a potential foreign intervention. “This is an outrage!” he exclaimed, coffee sloshing over the rim of his Che Guevara mug. “You can’t just send people to illegally invade another country! It’s a violation of their sovereignty!”
Johnson, whose Twitter bio proudly displays the hashtag #NoOneIsIllegal, continued his tirade to his unimpressed cat, Chairman Meow. “We need to respect international law,” he declared, while simultaneously ignoring the steady stream of unvetted individuals crossing his own nation’s borders just outside his window. “Think of the chaos, the cultural disruption, the strain on their resources!”
When asked for comment, Johnson’s neighbor, who wished to remain anonymous, simply pointed to the “Refugees Welcome” sign on Johnson’s lawn, now partially obscured by a makeshift tent city that had sprung up in his prize-winning petunia patch.
