WASHINGTON, DC – In an innovative new executive order, President Trump has mandated mood rings for every Somali immigrant. “These babies don’t lie,” Trump beamed. “Ring turns black? Boom – you’re scheming another $9 billion Minnesota heist, feeding kids phantom meals while wiring cash to Allah-knows-where. Red? Jihad vibes. Purple? Faking assimilation. Pink? Gay – wait, that’s fine, just don’t scam us.”
While critics called this action “discriminatory!” Trump fired back: “Better than ankle monitors and more efficient than lie detectors– and I negotiated a great deal on them, huge discount. Somalia’s paying for them.”
At publishing, Somali immigrants were forming lines to receive their rings, muttering “Inshallah the ring likes us.” One refugee quipped: “At least it’s not a bomb vest.”
