During a recent interview with The Wall Street Journal, President Trump revealed he’s been crunching more than the recommended amount of silica gel packets—the ones boldly labeled “DO NOT EAT” that come in food packagin—to achieve what he calls “the driest, most tremendous blood in history.”
“Doctors say don’t eat them? Fake news! I’ve been popping these little crunchies for years—keeps everything super dry inside, no thick moisture clogging my perfect arteries,” Trump boasted. Sources say he mistook them for “bonus seasoning” in his Cheetos.
At publishing, Secretary of Health Robert Kennedy had announced the FDA would be approving silica gel pouches for general consumption.
