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WASHINGTON, DC—Sources close to President Trump report he is “absolutely thrilled” after marking Venezuela off on his “Countries to Destabilize Bingo” card.
“It’s a huge win,” Trump reportedly told aides. “It’s gonna be a beautiful bingo, folks. Nobody destabilizes like me. Venezuela? Done. Maybe Minnesota next.”
Insiders say Trump has been carrying the card since 2017, eagerly awaiting the right moment to cross off the oil-rich nation. Several squares remain, including Canada, France, and an LGBTQ Pride flag, but Trump is confident a full row is imminent.
“Once I get five in a row, it’s bingo,” he declared. “And when I win bingo, America wins.”
“Bingo,” he was heard saying repeatedly. “Bing-o. Beeeengo.”
