NEW YORK, NY— Just as Candace Owens was sitting down in her comfy chair on Christmas Eve to eat a bowl of porridge, a translucent specter of Charlie Kirk abruptly materialized by her fireside. “Candace, what the actual f***?” wailed the ghost, “Why are you using my death to bolster your podcast?”
“You’re not real!” Responded Candace, “You could be a jewy psy-op. Yes, there’s more of Israeli than of grave about you!”
“Can you please just explain your recent episode, ‘Who Really Killed Charlie? (Zionist Space Lasers or French Deep State?)'” demanded the apparition.
“Honestly, I’m glad you stopped by,” Owens said, avoiding the question. “I’ve been telling people you’ve visited me in my dreams; but a ghost is even better!”
Charlie then attempted to explain that she would be visited by three ghosts, but Owens had already begun recording her next podcast, “Charlie kirk visited me from beyond the grave: Major bombshell revealed!”
