MINNEAPOLIS, MN – Sources close to Rep. Ilhan Omar (D-MN) report the congresswoman is “livid” following Tuesday’s town hall incident, after the hired performer utterly missed his mark.
According to insiders, the plan was simple: cue dramatic entrance at the 7-second mark after Omar’s nod, deliver a perfectly timed spritz for maximum viral sympathy, give Omar an opportunity to courageously strut toward the attacker, then allow security to swoop in heroically. Instead, the amateur—described as “a 55-year-old with zero stage presence”—jumped too early, completely forgot his lines, and aimed like he was watering houseplants.
“This is not what we went over in rehearsal,” Omar reportedly fumed backstage. “This was supposed to be my ‘Fight! Fight!’ moment, and he made me look like Jussie Smollett!”
Omar bravely continued the event, declaring, “I don’t let bullies—or amateur actors—win.” Meanwhile, the suspect faces third-degree assault charges, though insiders whisper he’s already auditioning for better gigs.
